The Unitarians are a good place for me to be - because I feel I can be who I am and believe what I want to belief and I can have a faith which no one is going to question and disagree with.
At this time of year with the days shortening and the earth giving up its fruits and settling down for the months of dormant winter, I too reflect - on the summer that is going or might already have gone. I look forward to the quiet winter of the fireside with late mornings and early evenings. It seems to require less energy.
But I reflect on more than the summer - perhaps the whole year that is drawing to close. I look further back. This year I marked ten years as a retired minister. I have to admit to being in the autumn of life - I just hope there is a long Indian summer!
I would like to be able to sing ‘My Way’ to myself - but actually I haven’t been able to do everything my way - like everyone else I have had to keep on the tracks and do quite a few things other people’s way.
The trouble is that when you reflect and wonder perhaps about the decisions and choices you have made - were they right or were they wrong - there is more to it than that. Because for every decision and every choice there has been a consequence. It is the same for all of us.
I can look back now at some of the choices and think ‘how life might have been different if I had chosen the other way - but then would I really want to lose what I have gained?
Yes, I should have looked at the blackboard at school and not out of the window, where would I be now? Supposing I had met my wife much earlier and we had made choices together. Supposing I had taken that first job and not waited to see what else was available? Interesting isn’t it - and frightening.
My reflections like that are really just fantasies. I can look back at some decisions and realise I was wrong - in the autumn, you come to terms with the harvest. You reap what you have sown. And as one man said, if you do not sow, you cannot reap anything.
What I have to do now is accept who I am is who I am and if I am not happy with who I am now - well either I must do something to change the present or come to term with the past.
We cannot change the past. We cannot rewrite the facts of our histories - but we can come to terms with it. We can accept that we made mistakes; we can accept that we have been wronged - but living with regrets, living with anger, living with sorrow will not change our history.
It is easy to say all this when you are in the autumn of life - because we seem to become more patient and more wise and more understanding. I suppose the secret of a good life is to put that old head on our shoulders when we are young.
One thing I have done which I can’t remember doing so much when I was young - is to take time and enjoy what is in front of my eyes - I look at trees as the colours of the leaves change and they randomly fall to earth. In spring they all grew together and the tree turned to green as one.
I look at the hills around me and see the clouds making shadows on them and how gentle they look after the brightness of summer. I look at the river flowing over the stones and feel its timelessness.
When I was young I feared the wrath of God, now I think of God as a companion spirit and we stroll along together, noticing things, feeling comfortable.
Mind you I am not so engrossed in the autumn of my days that I am not looking forward to the end of winter and seeing the snowdrops wriggle out of the dark earth - and feeling the energy of spring in my nostrils - and the garden calling and my grass growing on the golf course - and seeing the spirits of my friends lifting with the temperature.
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